Friday, February 1, 2008

If I were God

"If you wish to know what a man is, place him in authority." - Yugoslavian Proverb

In this day of presidential elections, I thought of my campaign promises if I were running for the job of God:

My list of priorities if I were God:

1. SPAM email would be no more. Those who send SPAM email would immediately be sent to hell, with their only hope of salvation being finding the one email with the answer to their predicament - scattered amongst all the SPAM email that has been sent since AL Gore invented the internet.

2. Parking spaces would be big enough that cars don't get dinged.

3. Third world poverty would be erased.

4. It would never rain on your birthday.

5. There would be no wars except those against the ungodly people who reject me.

6. No child would ever be separated from loving parents.

7. No parent would ever have to bury their child.

Of course, if I were God -

1. Possessions would be more important than people.

2. There would be none in need for my people to offer a cup of water in my name.

3. The world would live in a desert.

4. I would be at war with every person.

5. I would never have to experience the pain of letting my child go into a harsh and demanding world.

6. I would never have sacrifice my child for the salvation of others.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:1-7)

Don't vote for me. I really don't know what I'm doing.


(Oh, God, the SPAM thing is a good idea.)

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